


Other days, I feel nothing at all

by Technicallyarevenant



Series: Some days I feel everything at once [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Injury, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Mentioned Alfred Pennyworth, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 23:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20072116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technicallyarevenant/pseuds/Technicallyarevenant
Summary: Jason woke up to the smell of disinfectant. His whole body felt sore, and his brain felt like a stampede of elephants had ran a marathon through his brain. His thoughts blurred together but he managed to string one coherent thought together before he passed out again. He was alive. He didn't want to be.





	Other days, I feel nothing at all

**Author's Note:**

> Wow would you look at that, I actually wrote a second part to something in a reasonable amount of time. Anyways, I can't believe that the first part of this got so much love! Thank you guys so much I am genuinely so happy that people liked it! I wrote a second part to it because I felt like it deserved a second part and I actually plan on writing a third part, so look out for that! I hope you guys like this one as much as you liked the last one!

Jason was waiting. He was always waiting. Waiting has always been the one constant in his life. Sometimes what he was waiting for changed, but usually, he was waiting for everything to fall apart. For Bruce to throw him out when he finally realized Jason was more trouble than he was worth. For Bruce to come in as Batman and save him from the Joker. And after he came back to life, it was waiting for Bruce to do something about the Joker, and it became waiting for Bruce, and Alfred, and Dick to finally give up on him, and to finally try to start putting him away, instead of trying to put the broken and jagged pieces that made him Jason back together. Jason didn't need to be fucking fixed. He was perfectly fine without all the Bats trying to put him back together. He had been fine without them trying to help before, and he would continue to be fine without their help now. He didn't need their help or anyone else's. He never needed their help before, why would he need it now?  
Anytime they had tried to help had just ended badly for both of them. If they just left him by himself everything would turn out better in the long run. And he would continue to think that, even as he lay there, bleeding all over the concrete under him. And it wasn't Jason's fault, no, Jason had been thinking about something Bruce had said to him the other night, and that caused him to be off his game all night. He’d been caught off guard, because he had been off his game, and now he had multiple bullet wounds in his abdomen. Clearly, this was Bruce’s fault. If he had just let Jason be, Jason would have been perfectly fine and he would have been able to dispatch the idiots who had attacked him with ease.  
But no, now he just had another thing to wait for now. His death. It didn't scare him like it used to, in fact, he was ready for it now. His life, if you could call it that, had been one wrong turn after the other and those wrong turns always lead him in a direction that caused him pain. What was the point of him coming back to life? It had to have been a fluke, a mistake on the universe’s part. And this was the universe's way of fixing that mistake. Jason didn't mind, really, he was ready to die, and this time he didn't want to wake up again. This time he actually wanted to stay dead. At the very least though, he wanted to die as himself, not as some costumed vigilante, he didn't want to die in a suit again. So Jason shakily reached up to pull the helmet off his head, gasping in relief when his fumbling fingers finally managed to unlatch the clasps. Gotham air wasn't exactly fresh, but it was better than the suffocating heat inside his helmet. He could taste blood, it flooded his mouth and had began its descent down his chin earlier and with the helmet off now he didn't feel like he was choking on it quite as much anymore. He could hear sirens going off in the distance more clearly, probably a byproduct of some sort of villain escape.  
Jason let his head fall back to the ground, a shaky breath leaving his lungs, and he closed his eyes. He had lost feeling in his chest a while ago, and it was likely a side effect of his dunk into the pit that he was still alive right now. Maybe this time he wouldn't go with that insane clowns laugh ringing in his ears. This time he would go without wondering why Bruce hadn't saved him. Maybe this time he could go peacefully. A small smile made its way onto his face, yeah, right, when had Jason ever had a peaceful moment in his life. Well, maybe this could be his peaceful moment. Or, at least, the most peaceful moment Jason had ever had. But of course, when could he ever get what he wanted? “Jason?!”

Jason's eyes fluttered open in surprise at the voice, his inner monologue coming to a halt. It was starting to get harder to breathe properly, but he managed to croak out a “Whattya want?”

He felt someone fall down at his side, so he squinted, blurry vision revealing Dick kneeling at his side. “Oh God, Jason what happened?” Jason let out a laugh, but it sounded hollow and ended with Jason coughing.

“ ‘ats it look like bird brain?”

“Jason please, this isn't a time to joke around.”

“No names on the field, B’s orders.” Jason managed to at least crack a smile at that one, but it didn't seem like Dick appreciated it. Of course, Dick had always been a party pooper when it came to anything Jason said or did, so he wasn't very surprised.

“I'm calling B, Jay stay with me.”Jason didn't respond, instead he let his eyes close again. He was just so tired, why did Dick feel the need to drag this out? It’s not like he needed to live up to his nickname. 

“Little wing! Come on, don’t go to sleep!” But Jason had never been good at following orders, and he had already let himself fall unconscious. 

_______________

Jason woke up to the smell of disinfectant. His whole body felt sore, and his brain felt like a stampede of elephants had ran a marathon through his brain. His thoughts blurred together but he managed to string one coherent thought together before he passed out again. He was alive. He didn't want to be.


End file.
